Coersed into a Blog

My family have been bugging me for years to make a blog and sharing my thoughts. They enjoy my stories immensly and tell me I have an ability to 'connect with my readers'. So, here I am, to see if I can truly connect with my readers or bore them to death with my words. We will see.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Mephitidae mephitis Chronicles- Part III

Installment #3
I have now tempted fate and trapped THREE skunks, all successfully relocated in the back of my Mazda Pro5.  Slowly I drive the streets of White Oaks, hatch up, hazards blinking in the night, I creep through the neighbourhood praying to the good God almighty that he does not spray in the would I ever get the stench out?  What would be the resell value of a skunk-mobile anyway? 
 After having trapped (what I thought to be) the second of the sighted pair last Monday night, I spent the better half of Tuesday morning filling and blocking the many holes alongside my shed all the while smiling a grin of all grins.  I barricaded like a fat kid on a Smartie, with any piece of wood, random brick or broken patio stones I could muster.  I even bought 1" x 4" wood from Home Depot and dug a small trench to block the side of the shed.  For three days I diligently inspected my work and agreed that yes, I, Jennifer Grant, have won this battle of the skunk.  I was thrilled to let the dogs out after dark, even without a leash while I trailed behind with my flashlight.  Ahhhh, finally!
 Then, on Saturday night, as I sat in a friend's car talking, my friend gasped in horror to see a skunk shimmy from beneath my gate and walk across the yard.  After the initial shock dissipated, he noticed another skunk, then a smaller one following close behind.  After my friend's hysterical laughter subsided he said, "You have a family of skunks and it appears that they loved the accommodations so much they have called all the extended family in to stay, too".  And so the following morning, to my absolute dismay, I saw all my handiwork had been demolished and ruined along the shed.  Wood lay askew, fresh soil dug up and carelessly flung all over and a new hole peeks out amongst my barricades.  Last night I lay in bed reading and heard them outside on the patio.  I peered out the window and yes, TWO skunks.  They were sipping apple martinis and laughing at me.  So, I set the trap tonight and again, as I lay reading I heard the trap spring shut.  I looked out and sure enough one skunk in the trap, and another one desperately trying to spring his family member out of the slammer. 
 So, now I am MAD, MAD, and MAD and decide I have had enough.  The words of Uncle Bruce sprang in my head ("I just drown 'em.  Stick the whole cage in the garbage can filled with water", he said to me one day) and so I grabbed an empty garbage pail and hose and decide that I have to take matters into my own hands.  Had the two skunks I had just captured found their way back, despite the four lanes of Exeter Road traffic?  Impossible! I grab my hose and I start filling the pail.  Today there will be a skunk killing (sorry SPCA) but I am fed up.  I fill my 'killing pool' with icy cold water and gingerly tip the covered trap on its end so that I can slowly submerge the trap in the water.  So far so good.  Then, much to my horror I realize the trap is about 1" longer than the pail- long enough for a little skunk to cling precariously to the side and have a nice refreshing bath on a crisp September evening.  Are you kidding me?  My mind is what?  He is in there sniffing around, treading water for Christ's sake, he is not drowning.  I desperately try to get a plan...does my neighbour have one of those king-sized garbage pails?  Would I get caught if I were to creep around the neighbour's backyards and borrow one for a bit?  Oh dear sweet lord, what have I done?   Should I gas him?  Put him to my tailpipe? What?  What do I do now?
 After a heart wrenching 15 minutes of listening to him leisurely swimming in my garbage pail, I decided this is not even worth it.  He has been swimming so long in there he could easily have passed Level 10 swimming badge at the White Oaks pool and started life guard classes next Saturday.   I decide he will live another day and so I tip the pail over carefully and let the water drain.  I cover the cage so he does not see me and grab my keys.  Lock the door and head to my car.  He will live tonight but he will be sent farther away than before.  I drive to the Amway parking lot and find a narrow driveway marked for Shipping & Receiving at the rear of the lot.  I creep down the lane way and pick a nice wooded area at the end of the road and let my soaking wet little furry friend scurry into the field.  Tomorrow, I am headed to Wal-Mart first thing in the morning.  On my list; king-sized garbage can. 

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